you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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