so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You smell like stripper and shame
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
