Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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