Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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