let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
