smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My friends, they love my intelligence
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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