i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
