Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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