Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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