you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
