OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
