Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
