found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
