it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
