I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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