it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
