My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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