i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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