U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
