i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
