bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
