Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
