Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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