Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
