the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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