do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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