He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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