This girl is more easily done than said...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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