Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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