The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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