Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
