he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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