Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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