If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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