I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
