you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
