Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
