I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she peed on how many people?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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