brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
