i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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