He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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