was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
