I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you inspire me to be a worse person
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
