I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
