he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
