my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
