She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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