you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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