We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
