apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
